Who pressed pause?!

I hope this post doesn’t come across as negative, but I am trying to be honest about this whole journey. So here goes. One of the oddest things about this process so far is that it feels like someone literally pressed the pause button on our lives. (And I don’t use the term ‘literally’ lightly. Huge pet peeve of mine when people misuse it. But I digress.) I can’t commit to anything new, for sure, and even our normal weekly things are up in the air. Like just floating above us; normalcy just out of reach. Will we be at youth group? I dunno. Will Eric go hunting at all? No clue. Am I going to be able to do any Christmas shopping? Your guess is as good as mine. You don’t realize how much comfort is in your schedule until it’s stripped away. I feel very unsure and vulnerable in a way I’ve never known before. I’m not even sure I can count how many times this past week I’ve said “I just don’t know if we’ll be there”. You see, next Tuesday is our first oncology appointment at Penn, and while I am of course anxious for this ball to get rolling, I am so so grateful for this week we get of our normal schedule. Because when thinking through our schedule coming up, it’s like our typical flourish of activity then after Tuesday, just a cliff. Just a deep chasm of unknowns. And that’s pretty scary. I wouldn’t trade this week for anything. We can be normal for just a little bit longer. And it feels wonderful.

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4 thoughts on “Who pressed pause?!

  1. Wow! You have an amazing ability to express and write with such heart-felt honesty and truth. I find myself dealing with many of the same emotions and words that you are able to write. I myself have truly been humbled these past couple of weeks. I agree totally– how dare you cancer “jerk” attack my family! But I love the Capital C for Christ! It is so difficult as a mom to know that their children are about to face an unknown journey and we aren’t able to “fix” things and make it better. But what comfort to know that God goes before you and will be with us each step of the way.
    You and Eric will be wrapped in the loving arms of your Savior with many prayers and support from your family, friends, and church.
    Love you!
    Joan

  2. Oh kim, my heart goes out to you! I am so sorry you’re having to go through this valley in your life right now. sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair. ..I appreciate your blog and sharing how you are feeling and keeping us informed. We all care about you and love you so much! It has been a blessing having you on worship team and in our church office! Words just can’t begin to express how my heart aches for you Kim, but having your positive attitude is a big plus! Love you and thinking about you so much! Jody

  3. Love you Kim!!! Thanks for sharing your journey & for your honesty!! God is using you & You are such an inspiration!!! God will be there to catch you at that “cliff” and he knows what the future holds even though we don’t!! His grace is sufficient & he is your ROCK!! I’m praying for you & for God to give you a peace in this uncertainty!

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