I hope this post doesn’t come across as negative, but I am trying to be honest about this whole journey. So here goes. One of the oddest things about this process so far is that it feels like someone literally pressed the pause button on our lives. (And I don’t use the term ‘literally’ lightly. Huge pet peeve of mine when people misuse it. But I digress.) I can’t commit to anything new, for sure, and even our normal weekly things are up in the air. Like just floating above us; normalcy just out of reach. Will we be at youth group? I dunno. Will Eric go hunting at all? No clue. Am I going to be able to do any Christmas shopping? Your guess is as good as mine. You don’t realize how much comfort is in your schedule until it’s stripped away. I feel very unsure and vulnerable in a way I’ve never known before. I’m not even sure I can count how many times this past week I’ve said “I just don’t know if we’ll be there”. You see, next Tuesday is our first oncology appointment at Penn, and while I am of course anxious for this ball to get rolling, I am so so grateful for this week we get of our normal schedule. Because when thinking through our schedule coming up, it’s like our typical flourish of activity then after Tuesday, just a cliff. Just a deep chasm of unknowns. And that’s pretty scary. I wouldn’t trade this week for anything. We can be normal for just a little bit longer. And it feels wonderful.