Ahh jeeze, I just had “a moment”

I guess I will be man (woman) enough to admit it – I had a moment. You know the kind, the sobbing, sloppy, snotty crying fest. Ugh! I had been doing so well too! I was driving home from a youth event at church and it just hit me out of nowhere. There I was, driving home (by myself thank goodness, that woulda been aca-awkward otherwise) and I let the enemy put thoughts in my head. What if I can’t do this anymore? My passion in life is working with teens, and the teens at our church are soooo amazing! -what if I never get to do it again? My other passion is my family so it didn’t help that tonight is the night before Evan’s third birthday and I’m thinking: what if I don’t get to see any more of my kids’ birthdays? Then it turned into me pleading with God: don’t take me yet Lord, I’m not done down here!! I then come home to my mom, sister, and sister-in-law who were awesomely dropping my kids off, and of course my amazing sister totally knew I had been crying. Shoot! I even drove around a little longer just to make sure my face wasn’t still red haha.
I promise this is going somewhere! Hang with me here. As I was pleading with God there in the car, I was overwhelmed by the thought of the story of the blind man in John 9:2-3. It says, “As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, ‘Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?’ ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.‘”. I have read this story dozens of times and never once thought about what that actually means or how it could pertain to my life and here is God giving me a gentle reminder in a Bible passage I probably haven’t read in over a year! I had to let the story sink in for a while. Woooow. Ok, God, I’m gonna do my best. I will (for now) quit with the “why me” and the “but it’s not fair” talk. You WILL redeem this for Your glory! And I intend to be a willing participant in that!
I am attaching a link to a song that has just been an overwhelming help to me. It is beautiful and haunting, and every word of it is my heartfelt prayer to God. And a special thank you to a friend (hey Pam!!) who mentioned this song to me a few weeks before any of this started, not knowing exactly how deeply this one song would impact me. Blah blag blah here it is! Thank you all again for your love, support, and prayers. You will probably never know how much it means to us. http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=uUCtfsyI-5I

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6 thoughts on “Ahh jeeze, I just had “a moment”

  1. May God continue to bless you and strengthen you as you go through this journey to allow his Glory to shine through you. You are being lifted up in the prayers of many!

  2. Ok..so I really don’t know how to say this. I am so touched by this song you choose to post Kim, I never heard it and I couldn’t finish it… Kim, you do not have to face this alone (as you know), duh. God is always with you, but as a family we are going to fight this with you with everything we got. Don’t feel like you have to hide your crying moments, cry on us!! We are a unit of one. We are going to get you through this treatment and I can’t wait to witness what God is going to do in your life. Ok, enough with the mushy stuff, Carson pooped, and I have to change him…lol (had to finish on a funny note)

    1. Aww thanks girl. And of all the things I feel on this crazy roller coaster, alone has not been one of them!! You guys are all so amazing :)) and you probably already changed Carson’s diaper by now, but in case you didn’t, you should probably get to that 😉

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