My journey up til now

This will be my last post before my first oncology appointment tomorrow – yikes! I just want to share a little about how all this happened so that if you don’t actually know me, you can follow along for the rest of the ride if you choose to do so.

A little over two years ago, I had a small, probably half a dime-sized spot on my forehead right along my hairline on the right side that had a weird itch to it. I kept an eye on it and I thought maybe it was growing so I called a dermatologist to make an appointment. I had never been before and lemme tell ya, it was interesting. The guy comes lumbering in in a discussion with his nurse about (no lie) Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher’s relationship. He continued this convo in the exam room until it was over. It was weird. Anyway, he looks at the spot and says, “Ah, what we’ve got here is just an inflamed keritosis. You’re too young for skin cancer [yes, a licensed dermatologist actually said this to me!!] but we’ll biopsy it anyway since you came all this way in.” Long story short: skin cancer. I, of course, being 27 and invincible, blew it off and actually said to the woman who called and told me, “well, it’s not like people die from it, why such a rush to get it off?” Here is the part where I’d like to remind everyone that I’m an idiot. So I got it removed and the borders were tested and came back clean. Ok cool. It was recommended after that that I see a dermatologist every 6 months to get full body checks. Needless to say, I switched dermatologists. Last time I went, almost exactly 6 months ago now, my new and improved dermatologist took a melanoma off the back of my calf. I have a really nasty half dollar sized circular scar to show for it. But everything else seemed fine at the time.

Ok fast forward to about three months ago. I kept feeling something on the right side of my face and I couldn’t tell if it was on/in my jaw or my ear. I kept asking people to feel it but no one could feel anything so I decided to ignore it. Then it grew. And it hurt. A lot. The thing was jamming in my ear canal all the time and when I told my husband this he took a close look at the spot and said “Umm, I can see it.” And that’s when, deep down, I knew it was bad. Not sure why, but I did. So I started googling (I told you I’m an idiot!) and I realize it’s a lymph node. So I start to feel around my neck for others, and there it is. A freaking golf ball in my neck on the right side!! How did I not notice that?! Even the cat scan confirmed that it was the size of a golf ball. Noooo clue how long it’s been there. Sheesh, telling my tale makes me feel like, well, an idiot. But I can see now how lack of awareness plays in. If I knew then what I know now, I would have made a regular habit out of checking my lymph nodes, etc.

So, as I’m facing the appointment tomorrow that I never really thought I’d have, I am, well, freaking out a little. It’s the distinct start point of a new chapter in life. But like a chapter in a foreign language so you can’t read ahead. Or something like that. My appointment is at 3 and I will keep you guys posted after πŸ™‚

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18 thoughts on “My journey up til now

  1. Dear Kim, we’ve never met, but I want you to know that I am praying so much for you. My heart breaks for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story, and please know how much even strangers care and are lifting you up in prayer.

  2. Will be praying for you and saying an extra prayer at 3 when you have your appt. I know the unknown is scary but just so you know you will have many people lifting you up in prayer! (Not sure if you know who I am-Lauren Kellers mom-in-law) So happy you have Beth as a friend-she is proof of what our God can do!! She also will know how you feel every step of the way! I always think about the poem Footprints-where there was 1 set of footprints is where I carried you. Let him carry you through the tough times!

    1. Thanks so much Rochelle! And of course I know who you are πŸ™‚ Been praying for your family too with the loss of your nephew. It is tough times like this where we learn to let Him carry us! Thank you for your prayers!

  3. Kim, I am praying for God’s peace to fill you tonight and tomorrow as you face this new territory where a lot of us have not been. Also praying for a good night’s sleep as you rest in His mighty arms. May the God of peace fill you with His love and peace!

  4. Continuing to pray for you and your family through this journey. I am just so sorry that your first dermatologist failed to truly educate you on the kind of skin cancer you have. Praying for healing, wisdom and for God to lead you to the best care possible today.

  5. Love you girl…..praying for your appointment tomorrow….God is in control and will get you through this next chapter.

  6. Kim,
    Praying for you today and asking God to walk so close to you. You talk in your blog about being misdiagnosed. I know the feeling. That’s exactly how I ended up w/cancer. I went to see a quack Endocrinologist after I had Megan and he examined by neck which had a lump that made it so I could hardly swallow, but he told me I had a goiter. I was very tired, emotional, and achy all the time. I asked why I felt like this and he told me that’s the way women feel after they have a baby. He did a biopsy in his office….didn’t numb me in anyway and he only biopsied the one side. I went for a 2nd opinion and they did a biopsy and checked both sides and found there was need for a thyroidectomy. Megan was 18 mos. at the time I was diagnosed w/cancer. I only tell you this because I have seen the hand of God in my life through this ordeal. I never thought I would see the light of day, but God has taught me so much. Trust, Faith, and totally relying on Him. We serve an AWESOME God and I know He has something great in store for you. Keep your great attitude and know I am praying for you…..and believing in a real miracle.

    1. Wow Penny your story is amazing! You are so right that seeking a second opinion is so important! I love to hear how your relationship with God grew! Mine.definitely is, and I’m excited for more of Him!

  7. Oh Kim, you know we will be thinking about you and praying for you. May you feel God’s presence, and may he give you a sense of peace that passes all understanding. We are so sorry you have to go through this valley. We love you, and know you are in good hands.

    Love, Jody and Mike

  8. hi kim praying for you and your family,sorry you have to go through all of this.
    God is in control and he will see you through it–jeff and carol

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