Gonna put the ‘rad’ in radiation ;)

Aaaand I’m freaking out once again! Just got word that my radiation treatments will begin…tomorrow!! Ah jeeze. I will recieve 20 treatments total (hopefully only twenty…) on the right side of my face and neck. Luckily I won’t have to get treatments on Christmas or New Years so that’s good. I’m not really sure if I’m nervous or not actually. I know that I don’t want all the nasty (and sometimes permanent) side effects that can come with this! But who knows if I even will have any? It’s a little silly to worry about at this point, I guess. What good would worrying about it do? But even though I feel like I can handle all this and have felt really positive lately, I’m not sleeping much so I’m sure subconsciously it’s bothering me. I’m a little overwhelmed at all the planning involved (between setting up drivers and help getting the kids to and from daycare). But I am beyond lucky that I have a lot of people who have offered to help drive and that we have the amazing daycare that we go to. They are for real the best.

People have been so good to us and that has truly been the main blessing that has come out of all of this. God has shown me how selfless and amazing people are. I knew that to an extent, and I always knew our family, church family, and friends were great but had no idea how much love and sacrifice people were capable of on our behalf. It’s really humbling to accept help from people, but that has absolutely been a good thing for us. We are not quite as self-sufficient as we thought we were, but that’s ok. And oddly enough, I’m really grateful for the people who make fun of me. (I told you I have a mental disorder!! Haha) It’s nice to keep it light sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of the implications of this turd we call melanoma, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make light of it here and there. Although I do feel like my husband should be able to come up with better zingers than “Cancer Kim” and “Thigh face” lol. But trust me, I am sincerely grateful for the people who are truly burdened for our situation too. It’s not easy, but whose life really is?

Although I physically feel pretty good at this moment, emotionally I feel like my body has failed me. Like it has betrayed me – you think you know someone! Ha). But as my wisdom grows and my perpective shifts, God is showing me how HUGE the difference is between what’s temporary (health, beauty, youth, money) and what’s eternal (other people). I knew these things before, but just as the song says, “the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace”. Yes! How true is that?! The more I realize how temporary most things we hold as our highest priorities are, the more I see God’s goodness in how He is caring for me and how His people are. The things of earth are growing strangely dim and God is just being magnified in my life in a really cool way. I’m not saying there won’t be days that I really wrestle with God over this, but as for now I’m enjoying feeling…held. That’s the best way to describe it I think. So anyway, all this to say: radiation, here I come! Bring it on!

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8 thoughts on “Gonna put the ‘rad’ in radiation ;)

  1. I love the title on this blog, and “turd” and “thigh face” might get you a Pulitzer prize nomination 🙂 We will be praying fervently for you as you start this next phase of your journey, enjoy being a Philly ‘commuter”. and don’t forget to bring your mask 🙂

    let us know what times your treatments will be and we can all pray you thru them

    1. Haha!! I will hold my breath for a Pulitzer! I can feel it coming!! I say ‘turd’ way too much actually…. My treatment tomorrow is at 2pm then all the rest will be at 10:15am. Thanks for the prayer support!!!

  2. Still praying for you! Your comment about being held reminds me of Natalie Grants song “Held”. “This what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was that when everything fell we’d be held”. You, my dear one, are being held by our loving, Almighty, powerful, compassionate, merciful (I could go on, but for sake of brevity I won’t- you get my drift) Heavenly Father (Abba Father)! And He will Never let go of you! You truly are an example for the rest of us!

    PS I have some beautiful scarves you can have as you go through and after radiation treatments. (Is it radiation or chemo that causes hair loss?? I don’t know). I also have a pattern to make some, if you should need any. Amber has an example she is supposed to give you. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much Belinda!! You’re so awesome and encouraging. I have never heard that song and it’s so weird because I wasnt sure if that would make sense to people – apparently it does! At least to Natalie Grant anyway 😉 Thanks for the scarves too! I find myself wearing them often now to hide the weird part of my scar on the front of my neck (its really weird looking!! Lol) I see where Amber gets her kind heart from 🙂

  3. Please know our thoughts and prayers go w/you as you start your treatments. God will give you strength for each day. Trust w/all your heart.

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