Aaaand I’m freaking out once again! Just got word that my radiation treatments will begin…tomorrow!! Ah jeeze. I will recieve 20 treatments total (hopefully only twenty…) on the right side of my face and neck. Luckily I won’t have to get treatments on Christmas or New Years so that’s good. I’m not really sure if I’m nervous or not actually. I know that I don’t want all the nasty (and sometimes permanent) side effects that can come with this! But who knows if I even will have any? It’s a little silly to worry about at this point, I guess. What good would worrying about it do? But even though I feel like I can handle all this and have felt really positive lately, I’m not sleeping much so I’m sure subconsciously it’s bothering me. I’m a little overwhelmed at all the planning involved (between setting up drivers and help getting the kids to and from daycare). But I am beyond lucky that I have a lot of people who have offered to help drive and that we have the amazing daycare that we go to. They are for real the best.
People have been so good to us and that has truly been the main blessing that has come out of all of this. God has shown me how selfless and amazing people are. I knew that to an extent, and I always knew our family, church family, and friends were great but had no idea how much love and sacrifice people were capable of on our behalf. It’s really humbling to accept help from people, but that has absolutely been a good thing for us. We are not quite as self-sufficient as we thought we were, but that’s ok. And oddly enough, I’m really grateful for the people who make fun of me. (I told you I have a mental disorder!! Haha) It’s nice to keep it light sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware of the implications of this turd we call melanoma, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make light of it here and there. Although I do feel like my husband should be able to come up with better zingers than “Cancer Kim” and “Thigh face” lol. But trust me, I am sincerely grateful for the people who are truly burdened for our situation too. It’s not easy, but whose life really is?
Although I physically feel pretty good at this moment, emotionally I feel like my body has failed me. Like it has betrayed me – you think you know someone! Ha). But as my wisdom grows and my perpective shifts, God is showing me how HUGE the difference is between what’s temporary (health, beauty, youth, money) and what’s eternal (other people). I knew these things before, but just as the song says, “the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace”. Yes! How true is that?! The more I realize how temporary most things we hold as our highest priorities are, the more I see God’s goodness in how He is caring for me and how His people are. The things of earth are growing strangely dim and God is just being magnified in my life in a really cool way. I’m not saying there won’t be days that I really wrestle with God over this, but as for now I’m enjoying feeling…held. That’s the best way to describe it I think. So anyway, all this to say: radiation, here I come! Bring it on!