Where’s my miracle?

Most of the time it is not immediately clear to me what I should write about if I’m not just giving an update or test results or something. And, lesbihonest, a lot of the time I’m shooting straight from my hip. But tonight I know I need to write about one thing and one thing only: miracles. Miracles. I believe in them. I like them. I’d of course love to see a huge one in my life that would reverse this cancer ridiculousness. But more than anything, I want to tell you what I know about them. Don’t worry, it’s not much.

When I very first got my diagnosis, we all started praying for a miracle. Of course we did! For one, God is a good God and is capable of all things, and for two, cancer is so lame. Like, serious baloney. But something kept sticking in my head, “you’re not ready for a miracle.” Whether that was from God or myself I truly don’t know, but either way, I think it was accurate. I got my diagnosis just a few weeks after we had had an awesome speaker come to our church, Susie Shellenberger. This woman was an amazing speaker, a lover of the Lord, and a huge breath of fresh air for my spiritual life. She spoke on several things, but what stood out to me the most was a specific story she told about a remote village in South America and a woman who was healed. Susie’s team of missionaries went to this small tribe, I believe she said about 200 people total, to proclaim the good news! Well, when they finished telling the people about Jesus, they opened the altar ready for all the people to come up front and accept Him! But only one middle-aged woman made her way slowly to the front. This woman had been born with a tongue deformity that had not allowed her to speak coherantly ever in her life. Her tribe thought she was cursed so they treated her as an outcast. Well Susie’s team prayed with her and when they were finished she grabbed the microphone of the small battery-operated speaker they had brought along and she began for the first time in her life to speak coherantly. God had healed her in that moment. And when she grabbed that mic, she began to speak of how God had just changed her heart and how grateful she is to Jesus for coming to save us! She did not even mention her tongue, she was so overjoyed with the true miracle: salvation.

I have experienced this miracle myself. I witnessed it firsthand on Easter Sunday 2007. I walked out of that church a completely different person than when I walked in, and I knew it. There was no going back now. My life had meaning for the first time and everything suddenly made sense that had just hours before been a mystery to me. It was that day that I allowed God to start working in me and through my life. I had been very critical of religion, especially Christianity, before this. “Religion” never made sense to me, but now I could see why! I was doing it wrong. I thought that it just meant playing by the rules and hoping for the best. I thought just believing in God was enough – but let’s get real – even the stupid devil believes in God! It’s not quite enough. I thought since I was a “good person” that God would have mercy on me. But it wasn’t until I could see that I even knew I had been blind. I’m not perfect, I’m not claiming to be, but I can proclaim that I try every day to become more Christlike. A life with Christ is full of paradoxes that cannot be explained in earthly ways: we need to die to live? We will be exalted when we are humble? There is freedom in being a servant? I don’t get into heaven based on how good I am? I don’t have to earn it?? That’s the miracle of it.

But something else resonated within me with this story of the healed woman. This woman used the first words she ever spoke in her whole life to praise God for His love and salvation. She was miraculously healed and immediately used it for God’s glory. Susie said after the woman spoke that all the people came forward then and accepted Christ. Wow. Shows us a couple things: 1. Our testimonies are powerful. Just look at the Samaritan woman in John 4! She spoke to Jesus, realized He was truly the Messiah, and did what? Went and told people about him! And [verse 39] “many of the Samaritans from that town believed in Him because of the woman’s testimony”. Booya! 2. When we witness a miracle, we need to be changed by it and we need to proclaim it! I see now that I wasn’t ready for the miracle. I would have used it to get back to my normal life and do my normal things, I hadn’t been changed enough.

I know our drive home yesterday was a miracle. I saw a rainbow where there shouldn’t be one. There was no (earthly) reason for it. And don’t even get me started on the glitter trees! Seriously looked like Taylor Swift herself came and glitter-dusted the turnpike. In the beginning of the drive, I felt like a man condemned to death for a crime he didn’t commit. But after witnessing God’s majesty, I felt like a child of a loving king who would do anything for me. My sense of peace was so intense that I actually slept 9 straight hours last night. That has not happened often since my diagnosis and certainly not for the last week and NEVER when I am waiting on test results. God is still working in this and He is just as good today as ever! I don’t know if He’ll choose to heal me, but I do know that on that fateful Easter morning, I was making a public proclamation that I was handing over the reigns of my life to the one who made it. Maybe you feel like God doesn’t exist or maybe you think He might but you’re not really all that interested in following Him – I mean, you’re a good person, right? I urge you to dig deeper and look harder. There is a God there and He wants more for your life. He can offer forgiveness for only the small price of repentance. This is my passion and my life goal – to see people receive the same joy and peace that I have. I love talking about it and am not intimidated by the tough questions. Trust me, I’ve been in teen ministry for over 5 years now – pretty sure I’ve heard it all! Feel free to contact me personally if you have any questions that you think I might be able to help with.

I humbly thank all of you who are following my story and who are praying for us and showing us endless amounts of support. I will keep praying for a miracle!

Oh, and get that mole checked already!! (;

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8 thoughts on “Where’s my miracle?

  1. How you can type such powerful well written messages on a smart phone is beyond my comprehension……Miracles….guy at my work given 3 months to live , 6 months later back to work and no sign of disease……my wife had a female friend with stage 4 non Hodgkins, heavy prayer from her church etc, 6 years cancer free , doctors don’t have an explanation . Believe young lady, Believe !!!!!

  2. Kim,
    I have not responded to your last few posts, I think because, like you, I was angry. Not at God, but at cancer and the devil!! I felt like crying and did last night while praying for you while I was sewing. I just kept saying the name “Jesus” and asking Him, the great physician, Jehovah-rophe, to get rid of the tumor and remove any hint do cancer. My intention this morning was to go to the alter and ask for prayer for you, but, I felt I did not need to. Can’t explain why, because I was seriously upset with this cancer last night! But, like you, I have peace. Still praying for you though! 🙂 is this the week for Disney? I hope so!!

    1. Well guess what?? We hot our miracle!! The doctors are saying my enlarged lymph node is not due to cancer!!! Thank you so so much for interceding and praying for me. I feel guilty sometimes that people are so burdened for us, but at the same time it’s a huge blessing. Can’t thank you enough :))

  3. Kim,

    I’m good friends with your cousin Diana. I just wanted to let you know I am praying for your miracle from Atlanta, Georgia.

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