The fun really begins…

So here it is, the brain tumor:

image

It looks like it’s in my left side, but it’s actually in my right side. It also explains my episode yesterday and why my peripheral vision is bad still in my left eye.

This post won’t be very well written or thought out, just want to get info out to everyone that’s praying for us and waiting to hear, we are actually driving home from Penn as I write this. I will be getting gamma knife radiation on Tuesday. That involves an early morning MRI, getting my head screwed into a device (will have small scars on my forehead and the back of my head), and them pumping large amounts of radiation directly into the tumor. It’s just a day procedure luckily and I should be able to go home that day with minimal side effects. The hope is that it kills the tumor, he said there’s about an 80-90% success rate after a year. I will have to get MRIs every 2 months for the rest of my life. The neurosurgeon said when he was younger he would have jumped right to surgery, but since the tumor is imbedded 3 inches deep into my occipital lobe (visual center of brain) that would mean definitely losing the sight in my left eye and he said that would mean no driving and he didn’t want to jump to that. So after he decided on the gamma knife procedure, he sent us to see a radiation oncologist who was super nice and super helpful about how the procedure would go. The bad news is that he gave us the impression that based on what he’s seeing this is just the beginning of chasing around tumors as they pop up for the rest of my life. He didn’t say it exactly, but seemed to be relaying that this seems pretty aggressive.

So that’s where we are at now. I’m not sure if I want to cry (more) or throw up or both. Thank you all so much for all of your sweet texts and comments and messages, I have read most all of them, just haven’t had time to respond to all, but please know it’s so appreciated. I don’t feel very strong or positive right now, quite the opposite actually. So if you came here looking for strength, wisdom, or inspiration, I’m sorry I just don’t have any of that right now.

What makes a bad day worse? Traffic on the Schuylkill when all I want after a very long day is to be home with my babies. Oh, life!! :/

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21 thoughts on “The fun really begins…

  1. Let the strength come from those of us pulling for you. From an outsiders perspective, although things may recur, it sounds like you can definitely BEAT THIS. Pulling for you lady!

  2. Kim…please don’t feel like you have inspire or encourage anyone that reads your blog. This is blog is for YOU, to share your feelings and “vent” to the world how crappy this is. Your courage to face these obstacles speak for themselves. Its ok to have a “downer” of a blog as you say it is. I love you and I will stand beside you to fight anyone test or tumor thrown our way!!! God is still in Control..I know, I saw a red pickup truck!!! (I hope you remember that story, lol )

  3. You don’t need to be the strong one all the time…let us be strong for you sometimes too…although I have to admit, your song “My Feet May Fail” by Oceans that you posted on Facebook earlier today has really “helped” me:) but you don’t need to “help” us through this…let us “help” you:) Love you, girl!! Prayers and hugs:)

  4. I don’t know you personally, but my cousin Brittney posted about you asking us to pray, and pray we will- most fervently. You will be in our thoughts too. Kindest Regards, the Wickline Family

  5. That’s a pretty big brain, are you sure it’s not Eric’s ? We had a great prayer session for you in the pavilion today, you are being lifted up by countless hundreds of prayer warriors that will help you carry this heavy load, you and Eric are NOT in this alone.

  6. Lifting you up in prayer! Let your prayer warriors carry you for a time! You are one strong lady and it is ok to be down right now! Let the Lord carry you for awhile as you take time to process all this!

  7. I have a friend who is dealing with the same thing as you. This is his tenth year. Each time they were able to get rid of the tumor and it has come back three times. However, he is doing really well. I hope that is an encouragement to you. Also I would look into some natural ways that can help like drinking lots of alkaline water and eating certain foods, and taking high doses of Vitamin C. I don’t know you, but I am praying for you and your family. When you go through hard times, you can also feel His presence more. Be honest with God… He understands! Prayers coming your way!

  8. it’s ok to feel like crap and even be miserable! you are going thru hell… i do cat scan and have done the scans you are having that you do before your gamma knife. I am always grateful that we have this technology that we didn’t have years ago, but its also so difficult for me to truly understand how you feel,i can’t say i know how you feel, so i will just be here to support you, lift you all up in prayers, make a meal for your family too, thats what people do for others !!! Thanking GOD that HE is with you always and please reach out to us to help you!!!!

  9. Kim, you don’t have to be strong and upbeat about this nasty thing called cancer!! It is ok to have down days, especially after yesterday! Let those of us who are praying for you be strong for you and intercede on your behalf to our loving and compassionate Heavenly Father. We are called to lift up our fellow sisters in Christ and lifting we are doing!!!!

  10. Kim, we’ve never met but my heart goes out to you. I’ll be praying for you and your family. If there was a way to hug you right now, I would! Love you sister in Christ.

  11. Kim Barbara and I continue to pray for you and your family. Your updates are so helpful in allowing us to pray strategicly for God’s intervention. Your faith and courage are an inspiration to all. Blessings, Pastor BW Hambrick

  12. Oh, precious Kim, I picture you being carried in the arms of Jesus, safe and secure. Completely fall back on Him, do not concern yourself with anyone else but your closest Kin right now. We are all observing and learning. You can repose on Jesus chest, listen to His heartbeat and rest secure in His everlasting love. Psalm 131. Love, Char

  13. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I had gamma knife done on my brain tumor 7 years ago. It sounds scary and I’m not saying it’s fun but my husband and I went out for lunch on the way home. It worked and all is good. I hope you have as much success!!

  14. So sorry to hear the news.  My heart goes out to you and your family.  Our thoughts and prayers are with you always.  Know that you and your family are loved.   Veryl and Carol Miller 

  15. Kim,
    I was listening to Crowder’s new song “I Am” and thought I would share some of the words with you.
    ” I Am holding onto you, I Am holding on to you, in the middle of the storm I am holding on to you. There’s no space that His love can’t reach. There’s no place that we can’t find peace, there’s no end to His amazing grace…”
    I love this song and wanted to encourage you with the lyrics that are so very, very true!
    Continuing to pray for you. You area beautiful woman of God.
    Hugs,
    Belinda

  16. Kim,
    I don’t know if you know me. I am praying for you and Eric.Please sent me a E-mail.
    So I can up to date. Thanks!
    Barbara

  17. Hey beautiful child of God,
    I can’t say that I understand your pain. You deserve some type of peace and I know that our God is a God of peace. I do read your blogs for strength, but I know that somedays are worst than others, so I uunderstand when you say that you hope that we didn’t come to your blog for strength, encouragement, etc. Why do I read your blogs for strength and understanding? Well, they are inspiring and although my daughter never really talked or wrote about how she was feeling, I truly believe that I am hearing how thing were with her, through your eyes and that speaks volumes to me.
    I pray that God continues to keep his hands on you and strengthen you daily as you take this walk into the unseen. I love you (yes, I don’t know you, but you and I share fathers and that’s amazing in itself) and I keep you and your family in my prayers, always. Please let your husband know that I understand how he feels as a care-giver and I applaud him for his strength. Keep your head up, kim♥. You are an amazing bright young lady.

    Be Blessed,
    Veronica

    1. Veronica, I can’t thank you enough for your kind words and encouragement, I know we’ve never met but I so appreciate you reaching out! We are sisters from the same father 🙂 thank you again for your kind words and prayers ❤

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