“Cancer Mom”

So things have been pretty crazy here! I just made my TV debut and I’m pretty famous now, so not sure how often I’ll get to blog since I’m a celeb. Haha, jk. The local news did a story on us and I guess specifically on my “bucket list” of which everything has been accomplished (almost) minus all the little things I want to do for the kids. It was really weird when the news lady (Meredith Jorgensen, who is amazing and beautiful and a cancer survivor herself!!) asked me about the third thing on my list.

Refresher:
1. Travel to Italy. My friend organized a trip to Little Italy in Philly in food and it was AMAZING. CHECK!
2. See Hillsong live. Never, ever thought it would actually happen, just thought it would be cool. Well, IT’S HAPPENING!! I am beyond excited and a little scared to talk about it because it seems too amazing to even be real. Hopefully by this time next week, I will be worshipping with my favorite band and a whole ton of other people. AHHHHH! ALMOST CHECK!!
3. To leave my kids special things for them for throughout their lives. Presumably without me. Letters, gifts, special things for birthdays, milestones, weddings, baptisms, etc.

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Ok, so I’ve been putting this off. Big time. And it wasn’t until the nice lady started asking me about it that I realized that I’ve been putting it off, not because I’m busy, but because subconsciously I knew that that would really mean facing my mortality and not only facing it, planning for it. I immediately began crying as I answered her because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just can’t do this. It’s too hard. Leaving my husband and kids is something I just cannot prep for. I had been delusional enough to think I was just “busy”, but realized that that wasn’t at all the case. Ugh….Reality. Such a drag!!

So yesterday, the day after my TV debut (move over Kardashians!!), my sister in law asked me if I wanted to go with her to a local Christian bookstore. I said sure since my mom was here to watch the kids. So I’m there and I realize this is the perfect place to get things started. And things start flying into the cart. I want them to have nice Bibles from me (13th birthday? Baptism? I haven’t decided yet…), keychains for their 16th birthdays, young adult devotionals, baby girl’s Bible for Sis, etc. Then I start to look at those Willow Tree statues and I lose it. Like ugly crying. Like tears streaming, snot flowing, inability to speak coherently, the whole nine yards. Ugh. I was able to pick one for each of the kids, but man was it hard! The checkout girl must have thought I was nuts as I was still sobbing hysterically at checkout.

It was hard, really hard. Like typically I just gloss over things and make light of them, but this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I had to get over this hurdle. Now that I have I feel more open to starting other projects for them, and not making excuses. I’m still here. I get this opportunity that some mothers don’t, and I want to make the most of it!

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If any of you are in the same boat I am, this book has been a great way to open up the conversation about heaven and death in a kid-friendly way. Brit’s a little too young to get it, but Evan does and he really likes it.

Thanks again to everyone for your love and support, it’s overwhelming in the most amazing way. We really love you all and couldn’t be getting through this without you!!

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17 thoughts on ““Cancer Mom”

  1. You’re still here and the PD 1 is working and has worked wonders for others so you will be here a lot longer I feel………What is going on with those two, Brit eating cucumbers and Evan looks like he’s biting into a tomato ? Candy bars mom, please ;). You are loved and greatly admired

  2. I respect the heck out of you. Hope it’s okay to say that seeing as how you have become an overnight media sensation. πŸ™‚

  3. Kim, you continue to amaze and inspire me. The light of God shines so brightly and beautifully through you. We share a couple facebook friends in common and their faithfulness in sharing your blog posts has been what started me following your blog. It is always so very difficult for me to see someone so faithful, struggling so much, but I have no doubt that you are so dearly loved. Thank you for shining so radiantly. Prayers for you and your family continue to be lifted.

  4. Thankyou for so openly sharing with us! You have been an inspiration to me. I pray for Gods Grace to be visibly evident to you at each moment throughout your days! I have shared your story with so many. I am just grateful for a view into your faith and relationship with Jesus!

  5. Through the grace of God you are doing wonderful. Tears are a great emotional release. Nothing wrong in shedding them. You show more strength everyday. May not seem lile it to you but it inspires! Only God knows how your future may be…but you know He never leaves your side. May His blessings continue to be upon you and your family.

  6. My heart breaks for what you have to go through, but then again it’s Paul that says when we are in heaven we won’t even remember all the pain we went through, it will seem so long ago! We will only be able to think about the glory of God which we will be able to finally see and touch for the first time and forever!

  7. I have a cancer survivor friend. She was at the last stage of Bone marrow cancer mayo melanoma. She took a chance on something out if the ordenary after chemo and radiation hasn’t worked. She took her chance on Drinking KANGEN WATER. I would like to help you and try to beat this awful disease. At least try for your wonderful children. I believe God gives his miracles in so many different ways.

    1. I will look into it for sure, I run everything by my oncologist first as the drug I’m getting is not a typical chemo and can react to certain things. Do you have a website or anything I can check out? Thank you for sharing!

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