So things have been pretty crazy here! I just made my TV debut and I’m pretty famous now, so not sure how often I’ll get to blog since I’m a celeb. Haha, jk. The local news did a story on us and I guess specifically on my “bucket list” of which everything has been accomplished (almost) minus all the little things I want to do for the kids. It was really weird when the news lady (Meredith Jorgensen, who is amazing and beautiful and a cancer survivor herself!!) asked me about the third thing on my list.
1. Travel to Italy. My friend organized a trip to Little Italy in Philly in food and it was AMAZING. CHECK!
2. See Hillsong live. Never, ever thought it would actually happen, just thought it would be cool. Well, IT’S HAPPENING!! I am beyond excited and a little scared to talk about it because it seems too amazing to even be real. Hopefully by this time next week, I will be worshipping with my favorite band and a whole ton of other people. AHHHHH! ALMOST CHECK!!
3. To leave my kids special things for them for throughout their lives. Presumably without me. Letters, gifts, special things for birthdays, milestones, weddings, baptisms, etc.
Ok, so I’ve been putting this off. Big time. And it wasn’t until the nice lady started asking me about it that I realized that I’ve been putting it off, not because I’m busy, but because subconsciously I knew that that would really mean facing my mortality and not only facing it, planning for it. I immediately began crying as I answered her because it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just can’t do this. It’s too hard. Leaving my husband and kids is something I just cannot prep for. I had been delusional enough to think I was just “busy”, but realized that that wasn’t at all the case. Ugh….Reality. Such a drag!!
So yesterday, the day after my TV debut (move over Kardashians!!), my sister in law asked me if I wanted to go with her to a local Christian bookstore. I said sure since my mom was here to watch the kids. So I’m there and I realize this is the perfect place to get things started. And things start flying into the cart. I want them to have nice Bibles from me (13th birthday? Baptism? I haven’t decided yet…), keychains for their 16th birthdays, young adult devotionals, baby girl’s Bible for Sis, etc. Then I start to look at those Willow Tree statues and I lose it. Like ugly crying. Like tears streaming, snot flowing, inability to speak coherently, the whole nine yards. Ugh. I was able to pick one for each of the kids, but man was it hard! The checkout girl must have thought I was nuts as I was still sobbing hysterically at checkout.
It was hard, really hard. Like typically I just gloss over things and make light of them, but this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I had to get over this hurdle. Now that I have I feel more open to starting other projects for them, and not making excuses. I’m still here. I get this opportunity that some mothers don’t, and I want to make the most of it!
If any of you are in the same boat I am, this book has been a great way to open up the conversation about heaven and death in a kid-friendly way. Brit’s a little too young to get it, but Evan does and he really likes it.
Thanks again to everyone for your love and support, it’s overwhelming in the most amazing way. We really love you all and couldn’t be getting through this without you!!