I Shouldn’t Be Alive, But I Am

As I lay there trying to drift off after another long, tiring trip to Philly today for an infusion of my chemo, I realized after two hours of fighting with myself in my head that I’m apparently not supposed to be sleeping right now, I’m supposed to be blogging. Now, you gotta understand, I don’t write this blog for the attention, or the likes, or shares, or comments or any of that, I write it to give glory to God where I believe it is absolutely due. But blogging has proved to be a really cool way to connect with people, cancer or not, believers or not. I’ve been so blessed by the connections that I’ve made through this blog and through this cancer journey, and God’s showing me that these connections were what was important all along.

I realized today while reading in 2 Corinthians (during the looooong wait at the oncologist’s office) that comfort from God can come directly from Him (which happens for me, like, daily) but it also comes in the form of hearing what He is up to in other people’s lives and hearing testimonies about what He has done for us. Just look at what Paul says,


Those of you that know me know how strongly I feel about the importance of our testimonies. We don’t always have to have the “right” answer in a heated debate about faith, but if we can allow ourselves to be a little vulnerable and we can share what God is doing in our lives, that opens up communication, lets people see that God is as real as you and me and that He is good, no matter what we are facing.

So, tell me! What is God doing in your life today? What can we sing praises for to Him on your behalf? Let’s talk about how good God is!! I don’t even care if you share this link or not, I’d encourage you to blow up social media today with the goodness of God. You never know what someone might be going through or how they might be hurting and being reminded of His love for us might be just what they need.

I’ll start – by all melanoma statistics and without medical intervention, I’d be dead by now! I don’t say this lightly either, but I say it in awe of what God is capable of. I see His hand riddled all throughout my cancer journey, I see where little things that I didn’t think meant anything at the time came back to be important, I see where He lead me for treatment and how, among other things, having those horrible seizures that showed my brain tumor may have actually saved my life as I was then stage 4 and able to start Keytruda before the cancer was able to do more damage than it already had. And so far, my body is responding to the drug really well. I don’t know how long I have left, but I’m still here and I’m giving praise to God for that!

So please feel free to share with me and others who may read this and need encouragement about how God’s working in your life right now.

Here’s a fun song that a friend of mine (a connection made through this awful cancer, actually! Her daughter is fighting this fight too) sent me a while ago, and it’s an upbeat song about celebrating the change in us once we accept Christ MercyMe – Shake

Oh, and hey, need a laugh? Check out this awesome shirt that my beautiful sister-in-law and slightly less beautiful brother-in-law had made for me. I think every cancer patient needs one of these!! Lol



8 thoughts on “I Shouldn’t Be Alive, But I Am

  1. “Blow up social media”, unfortunately the other famous Kim is doing that today, our Kim will have to wait 😉 you are right God lined up everything for you to get you the best possible outcome , your journey and willingness to share has influenced so many and it will continue to do so…..love the shirt and the one wearing it

    PS….sounds like the melatonin isnt working eh ?

    1. Haha are you talking about Kim Kardashian?? I can honestly say I have no clue what that girl is up to ever Lol. And I only tried melatonin once so far and it gave me really weird nightmares, maybe I’ll try again sometime (:

      1. 5 hours ago … Kim Kardashian broke the Internet—and no, it wasn’t by sitting on it. … Also shot by Goude, it features Kardashian with her back to the camera …showing off her famous feature

  2. Kim, thank you for sharing your testimony. God is so good and you are an example of the love He has for His children. You give encouragement to so many and those of us who have no clue what it is to live daily with such pain, fatigue, and many things that I can’t imagine. God bless you and may He continue to heal and strengthen you every day.

  3. Kim, thank you, thank you, thank you for this post that I just read tonight, at no surprise…JUST when I needed to be reminded of all you said and of the scripture you shared! God is so good! Im praising Him that you ARE still here, because my Sister in Christ, and also my fellow Cancer Fighting Christian Warrior for Christ!, you DO have a HUGE purpose and are making a HUGE impact in the lives and hearts of many though your continual testimony of thankfulness and praise to God….a LIVING testimony-thank you JESUS!-that God CAN give you all you need, even joy, peace, comfort, strength, courage, and yes, especially HOPE because My Dear Sister in Christ—-NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS IN LIFE, EVEN IF WE LEAVE THIS WORLD BECAUSE OF CANCER, CANCER WIL NEVER, EVER EVER WIN-WE’VE ALREADY WON THE VICTORY THROUGH ACCEPTING JESUS AS OUR SAVIOR AND INTO OUR HEARTS AND LIVES, AND WE WILL SPEND ETERNITY IN HEAVEN 🙂 So cancer—-GET TO STEPPIN’ AWAY FROM US!!!!—WE ARE DAUGHTER’S OF THE MOST HIGH, OUR ALMIGHTY, LOVING AND POWERFUL HEAVENLY FATHER HOLDS OUR EVERY MOMENT IN HIS HANDS, NOT YOU cancer! Devil, you will NEVER stop Kim and I from sharing God’s love, no matter how challenging our cancer journies are…NOTHING is greater than the POWER OF GOD and His Holy Spirit that fills us with joy, yes, even with incurable cancer!

    KIm, you look fabulous too girlfriend!!!!! I LOVE the tshirt—I gotta get me one of those too-though I wont look half as beautiful as you, but we DO make cancer look good, only because of the love of God that shines through us. I teared up a bit when I saw too that your tshirt is tye dyed…my sister Charleen who died from breast cancer just this past May had a ministry called A Pillow and A Prayer. Google it, and you’ll see my beautiful sister, and read part of her story before she passed, and the mission of her non profit ministry she continue even through her treatments. our family hopes to continue her ministry, but we are still healing from missing her. Your t shirt reminded me of her the pillow cases she lovingly hand tye dyed herself,and would write a scripture on each pillow case, put on a brand new pillow, and mail out to ANYONE who needed comfort. She mailed out over 200 pillows around the world in just 1 1/2 years! She was amazing,and I miss her so much it still hurts. But I know she’s no longer in pain in heaven and having a blast, and I thank God that he even gave me 38 years I was blessed with her love and the honor and pure joy we shared in our love for each other that some never experience at ALL in a whole lifetime. I thank Jesus that my sister and I, and all my loved ones who have accepted Jesus as their Savior, we see eachother again, and be together for ETERNITY. That is the hope I hold onto when I’m sad, and what comforts me as well.
    I think I”ll ask my neice to tye dye me a tshirt and get “I MAKE CANCER LOOK GOOD” on it too 🙂
    Much love, blessings, prayers for continued healing for you, and thanks..
    Andrea {{{HUGS}}}

  4. Seems you’ve figured things out … Our Creator included an end in our design; timing uncertain. We do well to accomplish and enjoy what we can in our assigned interval; we do ill not to appreciate that. Besides, it’s unpleasant waste when we don’t …
    If I recall, Saint Francis or some such type was asked, while hoeing a row of beans in the garden, what he would do if he were told he would die that night. His response:”Well, I’d likely finish hoeing this bean patch.” He had it figured out, too.

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