Life Has Killed the Dream I Dreamed…

As I sat and listened to my 4 year old tell me all of the things he wants to do when he’s older (list includes but is not limited to: fireman, train engineer, hunter, electrician…) I had to smile to myself because I thought about what my dream was growing up: I was going to be a marine biologist!

I have vivid memories of going to the video store with my dad when I was little and I would head back to the same place and grab the same VHS tape every single time, the National Geographic shark special. (And yes, I realize that saying things like “video store” and “VHS” really dates me haha.) I would watch that video all the time, and although I was young, I still remember parts of it. I was convinced that sharks were my calling and that I wanted to devote my life to studying them and to their conservation.

I held onto this dream for a very, very long time, even up through high school, with me never really realizing that that wasn’t a good fit for me. At all. I mean, I hate swimming, and actually water in general, and never would swim in the ocean for fear of, well, sharks.

IMG_0401.JPG

Children have an amazing lack of self-awareness, that paired with their inability to understand practical limitations makes them little dream machines. Factories of imagination without limits. As adults, we know that likely none of these dreams will actually be realized, life gets in the way, not to mention we tend to grow out of our impractical ways, but it’s still so fun to watch them dream. As we grow older, our dreams change and morph to fit our circumstances, but we all still have them.

But how can I dream when I’m 30 years old and have already outlived my prognosis?

I feel a bit like I’m living on borrowed time and there isn’t even one time that someone mentions something that will happen in the future and I think, “I may not be here.” Every. Time. It isn’t necessarily with sadness or grief, just a matter-of-fact thought.

I know that God is in this with me and I know that my new chemo is working great for now, but there is always something in the back of my head telling me not to make any long-term plans. Not to dream.

But as I continue to give up the things that I had planned for me, I’ve increasingly been open to what God has in store for me. Every day now seems like a dream come true and His sustaining hand is so evident in my life, so I have no reason not to trust.

Paul says in Ephesians 3, “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

So, if I’m understanding this correctly, God’s love for us surpasses all understanding and He is able to do more for us than we could ever even imagine of asking!

It’s a pretty awesome thought to let God do the dreaming, and here’s a pretty awesome song about exactly that! I seriously am obsessed with this song – Casting Crowns – “Dream for You”

If we truly believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves, then who better to dream for us?

And because our two year old is obsessed with Rapunzel, here’s a fun song about dreaming (seriously cracks me up…) Tangled – “I’ve Got a Dream”

IMG_0291.JPG My dream come true ❤

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One thought on “Life Has Killed the Dream I Dreamed…

  1. Bless the LORD, O my soul; and ferget not all his benefits: who fergives all your iniquties, who heals all your diseases. Thank you JESUS fer all your Grace n Mercy

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