I remember a few years ago, our son would occasionally have night terrors and it was so scary to see him fighting and screaming and crying so hard and the desperation that I felt realizing that I wasn’t able to comfort him. I would sit with him and hold him as he writhed and screamed and the tighter I held him, the harder he would fight against me. This would continue for what felt like hours, but was likely only a few minutes, until eventually he would just give up, relax, and peacefully lay in my arms fast asleep again. This reminds me so much of how God sees us as His children that he so desperately wants to help, but we fight Him and push Him away every chance we get.
Although my situation now is somewhat unique I suppose, that doesn’t leave me immune from the junk of everyday life. Recently I’ve felt like I’m always disappointing those I love and care about the most, like I just cannot get anything right. I feel not good enough, like I can’t handle any part of my own situation, like I’m suffocated by my circumstances, like life is just too much.
I hate the saying “it’s always something”, but wow, isn’t that the truth sometimes for all of us! It’s like we can’t catch a break, there’s never an end in sight to the troubles we are facing.
It’s times like this that I’m grateful to have learned a valuable coping strategy; being broken before The Lord. I’ve learned the value in getting alone, even if it’s in the shower, and just crying and allowing myself the chance to get it all out, to fight with God, and eventually give in and let God work.
I believe it’s in these moments when we finally say, “God, I can’t do this anymore!” that we allow Him to work in us in the ways that He wanted to from the beginning. I’m living proof that it is surprisingly easy to lose sight of this! I feel like I’m always messing up in this regard. I forget how great the feeling is when we finally let go of the facade of control that we try to pretend that we have in our own lives and let Him work. There is a beautiful intimacy with The Lord that comes with letting God have control. To the world it may look like giving up, but we know better than that.
“God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.” 2 Corinthians 1:3
None of us is immune from the bad stuff of life, and we were not created to carry all of this weight and these super heavy burdens on our own. I love the thought that we are vessels for The Lord. It’s no secret that I love the Hillsong song Broken Vessels because it reminds me that if I’m never broken, then God doesn’t have the chance to put me back together. I heard a quote the other day that wasn’t in reference to God, but I saw some deep insight into our spiritual journey in it. It said, “It’s the cracks that let the light in.”
Wow, now that’s a cool thought when we relate that to God. It’s in our cracking, crumbling state, when we feel like we are falling apart, that the light gets in. It’s in these moments that we are finally receptive, finally aware, finally willing.