Feeling…cancery :(

Thanks everyone for being so supportive and asking about how I’m doing and all that- much appreciated! Turns out a few of the things that were up in the air have been pinned down recently: my brain MRI to check my tumor and rule out any new ones will be Monday the 16th and my port placement will be Tuesday the 17th.

These are the two things that have been stressing me out for about two months now, so I am actually looking forward to them being done so I can move on from it already.  I feel optimistic about the results of the MRI, but since MRIs themselves are the equivalent of laying in a coffin full of jackhammers during an earthquake, I always dread the process. 

And then there’s the port.  I know there are people that love the convenience of having a port, but I’m not convinced.  I’ve been getting infusions every three weeks for about a year now and since the infusions are set to continue, it makes a lot of sense. I get it, I really do. So what’s the hesitation?

It just seems really….cancery. (I know that’s not really a word, but it fits my purpose of needing something that expresses my disdain for the process as a whole.)

Ports are so very cancery.  But I guess so are PET scans and chemo and brain tumors. 

My life is cancery. Ugh!

Looks like just a few more sleepless nights and then I should hopefully be able to relax a little. I can’t neglect the fact that I’m afforded a huge luxury in the cancer world in that I feel really good physically most of the time. I should totally just suck it up, but I may wallow here just a bit longer haha.

There’s an end in sight, and I look forward to feeling like myself again soon!


11 thoughts on “Feeling…cancery :(

  1. Just remembering you, Kim, and realizing all the ways you’ve had to grow way beyond those of us who haven’t had to experience these things, at least yet. Also grateful for the good things in your life and all the love there!
    When you want to, and feel like it’s right, read the Song of Songs – not only for the love we have for our husbands, but for love of Jesus and His love for us. I’m reading (slowly – am a slow reader) an old sermon by a Covenanter preacher on this book of love.

  2. Cancery should be a word. It fits. Maybe you should petition Webster to add to the dictionary. Glad you are feeling pretty good. I am sure answers will help you relax.

  3. Hi, Kim, you are entitled to wallow as long as you want. But it isn’t your nature from your blogs so you will pick yourself up and get motivated because others depend on you too. Life is short and everyday is a special one and you always make the most of them even if if something small you do for others. You inspire others thru your messages…some find encouragement others know they aren’t alone. Thanks for your openness. God blessings be upon you and your family!

  4. well not sure if this will help u feel any less cancery… I have a port and I don’t have cancer! It’s also used in people who have the Lapband. 🙂 It’s not in the same place but still functions more or less the same.

  5. Kim, I love how real you are. It’s refreshing to hear a sister express faith & fear, despair & hope at the same time. We humans (even Christians) are ambivalent creatures. Someday, we’ll live without a divided heart but until then, continue to (re)set your heart on God and his everlasting love. You are, praise God, an inspiration as we see his grace on your life.

  6. Kim, I know it’s hard to keep a positive attitude with cancer and you do a great job but I had the cancer and I have chronic pain syndrome for 26 years. Pain level 7-8 I’ve decided both take there toll on the body. Both are the not knowing what’s going to happen what’s in the future. I’ve been on both side cancer and the pain throughout my body neither is fun but God chooses our path. So no matter what obstacles he put there he also help us over come.
    I’m proud of you Kim because you never take your eye of the prize Christ. You stand strong and proud. And that what we need to do stay strong for Christ so others may see him in us.you also have great support system. You are leaving something for your children and who knows God could decide to make it all go away.

    Kassie was an Atopic pregnancy. I prayed hard for God to spare her. I wait 7 years she lived they didn’t give hope for me or her she was fine mommy had to have transfusion and was in the hospital 7 days. And had to have someone take care of me for two weeks. At home so God does the impossible.

    Keep the faith Kim been through a lot but I also trust what’s ment to be will be.
    May God Bless you and heal you. Praying for your family.

  7. If it helps in amyway kim, I have a port because of having Cystic Fibrosis. This is because at least 2x a year we haven to go in and do 3-weeks of strong antibiotics to fight infection. If its placed in your chest you shouldnt see it to much. I understand however, its almost like admitting you are terminal. The ease of it is Amazing!! I pray the Lord gives you the peace that passes all understanding. I lift you up to our heavenly father and place you in the palm of his hands. Thinking of you Kim 😊

  8. Kim, will be thinking of you and praying for great outcomes tomorrow. God is a strong God, so continue to lean on Him heavily. He can and will support you. I know that because He is my strength & sufficiency especially at this time in my life. much Love & prayers to you and your family.

  9. Hi Kim, Pray that the MRI shows good news!! Ports are not all that fun………but I found that they were so much easier………no needle sticks……the whole idea of it is kind of a downer……but pray that you will appreciate the up-side once you get used to it. I think Rick told you that press and seal is just great for covering the port when you shower! I was amazed at how well it worked to keep the port dry! Will be praying for you today, that God will bring you rest and peace as you go through these procedures today and tomorrow. A BIG HUG…Adele

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