Cancer’s A Battlefield

I’ve been wanting to update since Tuesday, but things have been really busy around here!  Tuesday we set off for Penn for my first chemo infusion since getting the port and because I’ve been having some neurological issues, I also needed a spine MRI to rule out any tumors going on in there.  Once we can rule out active cancer, we can chalk it all up to side effects from the accumulation of chemo.

I have to say, I was seriously worried for nothing.  This port rules.  It is awesome and I love it and I’d kiss it if I were physically capable!  It made my infusion so easy and quick and I could leave it accessed for the MRI so it worked out really well.  Our 4 year old is really interested in it so I had my dad take pics for him, so I’ll share them with you, too.

Here’s my amazing scar, I seriously look so gangsta, like I was in a knife fight or something.  I got mad respect in the chemo waiting room…

And here is my nurse accessing the port.  I’m not sure what I was expecting here, but I got a little nervous seeing the needle they use to get into it.  But I realized very quickly that this thing is fabulous and hurts way less than getting an IV in.  It also was way more comfortable once it was in than an IV is.

So that was chemo!  It was way faster and way more comfortable than before.  After that though the day went slightly downhill as my spine MRI lasted….wait for it…an hour and 40 minutes!  I have mentally conquered short MRIs, ones between like 30-45 minutes.  This was absolutely horrible and I was not prepared for my own reaction.  I began having waves of panic attacks, getting all hot and shaky and just freaking out on the inside.  So when she finally pulled me out, I just began bawling.  It was the first time that I’ve cried during any sort of hospital procedure.  So there I sat, crying and shaking and drenched in my own sweat.  I couldn’t even talk at first.  An hour and 40 minutes is just too long to be in there and I’m hoping that never happens again!

So that was my last adventure at the hospital.  Although I’ve not heard back yet about my MRI, I’m truly not concerned that there’s anything bad going on in my spine, so my next step is a routine PET scan on Friday….the 13th.  Oh, great.  Good thing I’m not superstitious or I’d be inclined to reschedule!

I’m feeling really good physically and mentally.  God is good and has been so faithful.  I still struggle with why I’m here.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but it just seems too good to be true.  

Convo between me and a nurse when I was getting my port:

Nurse: When do you start chemo? 

Me: Oh, I’ve been getting it for a year now. Every three weeks.

Nurse: Well why in the world are you only getting a port now? 

Me: Because they didn’t think I’d live this long.

(The nurse looked surprised that I was so blunt, but I must say it felt satisfying to say.)

He then asked what type of cancer I have and I told him stage 4 melanoma and he goes, “Oh, wow! Well keep kicking cancer’s [butt]!!”

I just laughed because while I can’t guarantee that cancer won’t be what takes me, I will continue to fight it.  With everything I have in me.  It’s a mental battle just as much as it is physical, that’s the hardest part about it.  But I’m choosing hope, positivity, and trusting in the Lord today.


24 thoughts on “Cancer’s A Battlefield

  1. Kim, I came “across” your blog through LifeBeautiful magazine and am left breathless on how God is sustaining you and your family. He is so good! I pray that we all rely on His faithfulness during trials and to not praise Him only in the good times! You are all in my prayers! I do have a question about your cancer, etc. I was wondering if you could send me some links about what you’ve found regarding melanoma. I have a sister-in-law who owns a tanning salon and they vow that tanning in a bed is far less harmful than laying out in the sun. I worry for them and wonder what your opinion is on this. I asked my derm about it and she was very straightforward that it’s not good for you but my sis-in-law believes they say that b/c it brings in business. Your thoughts?

    1. Wow hey Johanna! Got all day? Haha, seriously though, I think your sister in law is in denial that what she’s doing could cause this. I, like many others my age, went in tanning beds when I was younger, and loom at me now, I didn’t even think I’d live this long. I will have to look into specific resources, but it is widely (completely?) accepted that tanning beds cause or exacerbate melanoma. I hate to be quite so blunt, but it’s kind of the same thing as a drug dealer. Yes, it’s the person’s choice if they want to do it or not, but she is providing a service that could harm or even kill people. Maybe it’s denial, but she needs to deal with reality. Tanning beds are worse than the sun. I’m sorry if this sounds mean but I’m obviously very passionate about awareness for this cancer now, especially since in some cases it can be prevented. Thanks so much for commenting! And thank you for your prayers, means so much to us!

      1. Kim,
        No, your bluntness is just fine! I wish I could be so blunt with my in-laws. Yes, I think it’s denial and just plain being naive. It’s sooooooo frustrating b/c they are doing so well in their business but it’s hard for me to be excited for them. I tanned when I was younger as well but haven’t for about 13 years! I agree, it is like a drug. I remember commenting that tanning is so addicting and you feel better about yourself. I hope that doesn’t sound weird. Anyway, I try to lovingly talk to her but both her and her husband believe that all the articles written towards ‘anti-tanning beds’ are by dermatologists and they just say that b/c it’s their business and it bring them money. Makes no sense to me. :-/ I’m sensitive about this subject as well since my dad has had numerous cancer spots on his face and he’s regularly monitored by his derm. Makes me nervous though that you went to a derm that said your mole was nothing to worry about….thankfully my dad’s derm has taken biopsies but it still makes me nervous. :-/
        You are an inspiration and after reading all the way through your blog one night….actually I was sobbing…the ugly crying kind….I am amazed all over again at our gracious Lord and Savior!!!!! I am a mommy of two wonderful children as well and I was blubbering as I read your letters to your children. Breathtaking! Who would have thought that a horrible thing like cancer would become such a ministry!!!! Wow!
        Thanks for your input on my in-laws. I’m at a loss of words with them but am praying that God will direct me and hopefully I’ll make sense.
        Praying for your healing, direction, and strength. Praying for your husband has he helps you through this emotionally and physically! I can’t even imagine. Also, praying for those alongside you and your family. God is good….even through the tough stuff!
        In Him!

  2. I have been following your updates and journey for the last half year ( Beth Coblentz told me about you) and I am so encouraged by your honesty and courage as you fight the cancer. I also am fighting stage 4 cancer. I got a mediport right away because I did radiation and chemo first thing. It is the only way to go in my opinion. My tumors have all been removed and last scans showed NED!!! I know what you mean about the battle being such a mind thing. I couldn’t do this w/o God and my amazing family and friends! Keep fighting!

    1. Wow! That’s amazing! I’m so happy to hear your news and hope it continues! Beth’s the best, isn’t she?? Love her! And God is so faithful, in the good and seemingly bad, He is so good (:

  3. God is good and I pray that there will  be good news from your tests.   Remember we love you and think about you often. We also pray for you every day.  From: Kim’s Blog To: Sent: Friday, February 27, 2015 9:44 AM Subject: [New post] Cancer’s A Battlefield #yiv2634251585 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv2634251585 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv2634251585 a.yiv2634251585primaryactionlink:link, #yiv2634251585 a.yiv2634251585primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv2634251585 a.yiv2634251585primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv2634251585 a.yiv2634251585primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv2634251585 | morelikecantcer posted: “I’ve been wanting to update since Tuesday, but things have been really busy around here!  Tuesday we set off for Penn for my first chemo infusion since getting the port and because I’ve been having some neurological issues, I also needed a spine MRI ” | |

  4. Praise God!!!! I am so happy for you and co tongue to pray God’s continued grace upon you. It’s so refreshing to hear how God can turn our trials into such triumphs if only we allow Him to work. I love hearing how God uses you as such an instrument for Him. I think we would see so many more miracles if we would just believe. Keep the Faith!!

  5. Missed reading your blog the last few days ! So glad to hear that your port makes things easier for you and glad that spine MRI is done. You are so strong and beautiful both inside & out ! Praying for more good news from the MRI. You & your family continue to be in my prayers. Love & Blessings !

  6. i just want you to know how inspiring and beautiful you are to even one more person as inconsequential as me. I absolutely love reading your updates – even the bad news ones have positive “vibes” throughout. You and your family stay in my prayers and appreciation to God for giving you His strongest angels. Much love to you.

  7. Praise The Lord and thank you for sharing! My husband and kids and I pray for you and your family every night. They are always interested to hear your updates good, bad or indifferent. They are 8, 9, 10. They are understanding through your journey how precious every day is… And to appreciate each other! They proudly wear their “Pray for Kim” shirts regularly and share with their friends what melanoma is. 🙂

  8. I had just seen “The Skit Guys” thing on scars. We’ve all got ’em. Jesus kept His, even in His glorified body. Not sure if yours or mine will go with us to Heaven, but I see them as a reminder of what He’s brought me through. Blessings.

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