I’ve been wanting to update since Tuesday, but things have been really busy around here! Tuesday we set off for Penn for my first chemo infusion since getting the port and because I’ve been having some neurological issues, I also needed a spine MRI to rule out any tumors going on in there. Once we can rule out active cancer, we can chalk it all up to side effects from the accumulation of chemo.
I have to say, I was seriously worried for nothing. This port rules. It is awesome and I love it and I’d kiss it if I were physically capable! It made my infusion so easy and quick and I could leave it accessed for the MRI so it worked out really well. Our 4 year old is really interested in it so I had my dad take pics for him, so I’ll share them with you, too.
Here’s my amazing scar, I seriously look so gangsta, like I was in a knife fight or something. I got mad respect in the chemo waiting room…
And here is my nurse accessing the port. I’m not sure what I was expecting here, but I got a little nervous seeing the needle they use to get into it. But I realized very quickly that this thing is fabulous and hurts way less than getting an IV in. It also was way more comfortable once it was in than an IV is.
So that was chemo! It was way faster and way more comfortable than before. After that though the day went slightly downhill as my spine MRI lasted….wait for it…an hour and 40 minutes! I have mentally conquered short MRIs, ones between like 30-45 minutes. This was absolutely horrible and I was not prepared for my own reaction. I began having waves of panic attacks, getting all hot and shaky and just freaking out on the inside. So when she finally pulled me out, I just began bawling. It was the first time that I’ve cried during any sort of hospital procedure. So there I sat, crying and shaking and drenched in my own sweat. I couldn’t even talk at first. An hour and 40 minutes is just too long to be in there and I’m hoping that never happens again!
So that was my last adventure at the hospital. Although I’ve not heard back yet about my MRI, I’m truly not concerned that there’s anything bad going on in my spine, so my next step is a routine PET scan on Friday….the 13th. Oh, great. Good thing I’m not superstitious or I’d be inclined to reschedule!
I’m feeling really good physically and mentally. God is good and has been so faithful. I still struggle with why I’m here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful, but it just seems too good to be true.
Convo between me and a nurse when I was getting my port:
Nurse: When do you start chemo?
Me: Oh, I’ve been getting it for a year now. Every three weeks.
Nurse: Well why in the world are you only getting a port now?
Me: Because they didn’t think I’d live this long.
(The nurse looked surprised that I was so blunt, but I must say it felt satisfying to say.)
He then asked what type of cancer I have and I told him stage 4 melanoma and he goes, “Oh, wow! Well keep kicking cancer’s [butt]!!”
I just laughed because while I can’t guarantee that cancer won’t be what takes me, I will continue to fight it. With everything I have in me. It’s a mental battle just as much as it is physical, that’s the hardest part about it. But I’m choosing hope, positivity, and trusting in the Lord today.