It’s Not Right

This just won’t ever feel normal to me.  Routine, sure.  But not normal.  I’m at Penn once again waiting for chemo after seeing my oncologist.  I do this every three weeks without fail.  It’s practically the same day on repeat every time I go. 

I still dread it though, although nothing bad ever happens.  I can’t sleep the night before, even though there’s truly nothing to be anxious about.  I still feel like some version of grumpy cat, even though it’s really not that bad.

I repeat this same day every three weeks and although cancer really is my new normal, it will never feel right.  I can absolutely be positive about this because I’m still alive.  One day every three weeks is such a small price to pay for what I’ve received.  There are many, many blessings thrown in all of this, and I know God is here with me, but I still don’t have to like it, right?

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Got a few compliments on my Hillsong shirt though!! πŸ˜‰

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14 thoughts on “It’s Not Right

  1. Amen Kim! Right there with you on all counts….ours is every two weeks. My husband played football in college and every night before his treatment he gets real quiet and goes into his “prepping for the game” mode. Whatever it takes! He’s still alive too! Blessings!

    1. This may sound odd, but sometimes it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this feeling! And I don’t have particularly hard treatments, I can’t imagine what it would be like if the infusions were physically daunting!

  2. Keep pressing on, Kim!! The words on your shirt are not only linked to an awesome band, but they scream the truth that is a reminder to us all that no matter what we face there is no other name that save us, guides us, and watches over us.

  3. The dreaded day before. It stinks. I used to me a mess. I think the key is to keep yourself distracted. Or give yourself a reward for after treatment (if you feel up for it) to look forward to.

    In my support group they talked about the dreaded day before. it was just a common thing. For me, knowing others were going through the same thing helped.

    I promise you that eventually it will be just a spot in the rear view mirror. I know it takes a while for that to help, but it is going to happen. Sending you prayers and hope!

    1. Thanks so much! I love the reward idea, but knowing me, I’d get carried away with that lol. Thanks for the encouragement, you’re right, it helps to know we are not alone (:

  4. Wow! Kim I cant pretend I know what you are going through, because I don’t. I see many encouraging comments above! I like the one about giving yourself a reward to look forward to! Keep on Keepin on Girl! Keep the faith! You are an encouragement to me! I look forward to your blog post. I am so grateful for strong examples of faith like yours! I pray God gives you strength and grace that others will see are only from Jesus! That your life will make someone see Jesus and come to know him!

  5. Kim, You are absolutely allowed to ” not like it “! I know that will not keep you from pushing onward and continuing to share your faith in God. Remember He is there for you along with all of us too. Prayers and blessings !

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