She looked completely concerned yet morbidly intrigued, interested yet utterly confused. Like what she was seeing did not in any way match up with what she knew was true medically and scientifically.
She looked like she’d seen a ghost.
I spoke with my PET scan technician on Tuesday after the procedure and we were chatting about my medical history. She looked so surprised and confused that I was reminded of how incredible this all really is. I was refreshed in what it feels like not just to see a miracle, but to actually physically be the miracle. A living and breathing example of God’s existence. Proof that He still loves us and still works on our behalf.
Let me tell you, I am in NO WAY worthy of this but sometimes it feels pretty cool to watch people logically trying to rationalize why you’re still alive. But they can’t.
My PET scan came back good. ‘No new disease’ is, I believe, how it was worded. I will freaking take it! That means no cancer progression. That means another clear scan. That means a breather.
Of course this comes with relief and, as always, guilt. But I’m just so in awe of God right now. He’s not just the reason I’m here, he’s everything. Everything.
Every 3 months or so, right around PET scan time, I’m forced to face the fact that this may all be over sooner than I’d like. But He has granted me yet another reprieve. I can’t explain it and I don’t deserve it, but I’m determined to use it for His purposes. I will continue serving Him joyfully, gladly, and with a thankful heart.
This could all change, literally, in a heartbeat. But since my heart beats only for Him who created me, I’ll keep serving where I’m called and loving everyone I see. This song, “Way Beyond Me” sums up my feelings probably better than anything else.
Thank you a million times over to those who are praying. I’m trying to repay that when I hear of prayer needs. God is so so good!