Some of you have followed my cancer journey for a very long time, and for that I’m appreciative! This blog has been an awesome way to connect with people from all over and I wouldn’t change any of what’s happened or any connections I’ve made through this blog.
But although I wouldn’t change the past even a little, there is one thing that has very much changed in this process, and that is me. I’ve been given this crazy story, this second chance, this miracle. I don’t know for how much longer I will be sustained, but I do know that I’m not willing to waste even a moment of this “stolen” time. (If you’re new here, here’s a super quick run-down: I love Jesus, I have cancer, I should have died from it last year.) But as I found and deeply felt while in the midst of my cancer journey, I know that I am not, as a Christian, supposed to be comfortable. I just wasn’t sure that that necessarily meant making others uncomfortable. I like having a feel-good message to share but at the same time, I’m not content with the idea that that is now all I have to offer.
So here’s the cold, hard truth:
I don’t want to be inspirational, unless I’m inspiring you to open your Bible and/or turn to Jesus. I’m not in this for the likes or shares or for my fifteen minutes of blogging “fame”. I believe that if I wanted that then I could go for it, be fake, write what people want to hear, keep Jesus nice and comforting (and never ever convicting), and “achieve” that goal. But that is not at all what I want. My heart is only Jesus. I have no desire besides bringing glory to God’s name and leading people to where true redemption, rest, peace, and purpose is – to where truth is: Jesus.
Look, I’m not perfect here, but God’s been showing me that now that my discomfort isn’t physical by fate, it’s about to be physical by choice, in a way. It’s time to start sacrificing to a point that hurts sometimes. As I read more about Jesus and the disciples and Paul and I see how they lived (or maybe more importantly how they didn’t live) I see that my priorities are way, way off. I’m worried about spotty Wi-Fi while half the world is worried about how they are going to feed their families today. I’m up in arms and feel persecuted by a meme on Facebook while a mother sits weeping over her baby as he dies from a disease that is completely preventable or treatable or even curable in America.
Insanity. Absolute insanity.
When are we going to wake up as a Christian whole and realize that we have become completely ineffective in our responses to things that actually matter? Are we following the guidelines that Jesus laid out for us? Are our hearts focused on orphans and widows, or are we always only focused on ourselves?
But it’s overwhelming, right? Where do we even start? I have a few suggestions and plan to write on that when I get the chance, but for now, if you’re a believer, it’s time to take a good, hard look at ourselves in the mirror (and not anyone else) and ask yourself – “Am I truly living this life the way that would please Jesus? Am I defining myself by my wrinkles or the few extra pounds I have or whatever else we may hate about our appearance or do I see myself as an integral part of His creation who can positively affect the quality of life of others? Am I willing to really start giving?”
Our time. Our energy. Our money. Our love. They are gifts to us that we are to start giving away more freely and with much less hesitation.
I’m not satisfied anymore to be complacent and ineffective. And if that means losing “followers”, then so be it. It’s time to start radically changing how we look at and relate to the world around us. It’s a journey I’m looking forward to and I hope we can make this journey together. Sometimes the blogging format isn’t always conducive to conversation, but I always welcome thoughts and ideas and love hearing from people.
“If you can’t feed a hundred people, then just feed one.” -Mother Teresa