Unworthy

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I guess it’s no secret I haven’t been on the blogging scene as much recently and I mean, how have you guys even survived without my unparalleled insight and superior wit??  Haha!  Obviously I’m joking.  But I find that when I am preparing for a speaking engagement, as I am now, I tend to blog less because I have a hard time discerning who exactly I’m preparing for.  My blogs are basically a diary that I let everyone read where in my speaking engagements I tend to try to let the Spirit lead me to say what needs to be heard, not just what I want to say – if that makes any sense. 

But as I’ve been preparing for this, I couldn’t get over the hurdle of feeling just completely unworthy.  I don’t deserve this privilege – why would God choose me, of all people, to do this? 

But then I think maybe that’s the point.  I’m not speaking because I am a great speaker (truth! I’m not fishing for compliments) or because I particularly like doing it (there’s a chance I’ll lose my lunch all over the third row), but because God has given me a story worth telling, and I don’t mean the cancer thing.  He has given this to all of us who believe and He wants us to use it.  He just apparently likes to make me get up in front of groups of people and see if I can keep myself from throwing up or peeing my pants or something.  They say God has a sense of humor, right?  Well having me speak is quite a good joke!

But honestly, I’m glad to do it.  Even if I do pee my pants.  Because there is never a time when my rebirth at the cost of Christ’s life isn’t relevant.  It’s who I am and it’s everything.  And it’s way more than I deserve.  I praise Jesus for giving us our individual testimonies and then giving us endless opportunities to share His love and to speak of the freedom and purpose new life in Him gives us.

I ran across this verse in Acts and it completely made me have a feeling of triumph.  Check it out:

“The members of the council were amazed when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, for they could see that they were ordinary men with no special training in the scriptures.”  Acts 4:13

This verse is so ridiculously empowering and I cannot believe I’ve read through Acts dozens of times and never picked up on it.  Peter and John were ordinary.  We are ordinary.  See where in going with this?  We tend to put the people in the Bible on a pedestal because, well, there isn’t exactly a Book of Kim, is there?  But we forget that we are all sinners undeserving of this glorious gift, as were the disciples.  The word “saint” has come to mean something within our culture that suggests great works and great recognition from other people – a level unreachable by us normal people, right?  Nope.  Paul uses the word in 1 Corinthians 1:2 to refer to all who have been “made holy by means of Jesus Christ, just as he did for all people everywhere who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours.” (Emphasis added).

Yo, how exciting is this – do you even understand how much faith God has in us??  Now how does our faith in Him measure up?  Let’s be bold like Peter and John. 

Now I GOTTA leave you with one of my all-time favorite jams.  Give it a listen it’s legitimately awesome.
Lecrae – I’m A Saint

Just a little update: health wise I am fine (I think) and will get routine scans this Friday.  Ok. Back to work for me.

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6 thoughts on “Unworthy

  1. You so make me smile! And yes, you have a great story…and no not the cancer thing. I just finished reading the book of Genesis. One of my goals this year is to read ( and study!) the whole Bible again. I found myself thinking, “Um God, you could have done a lot of better with a lot better people than Jacob and his tribe. I mean, they were really not perfect! Far from it!” But as you so eloquently point out in the chosen verses, God uses very ordinary people like us. If he can build a nation out of Jacob’s dysfunctional family, I guess He can do miracles through us. Don’t drink too much water before you speak and trust Him. ☺️Thanks again for your inspiration and testimony. Xoxo

  2. Amen! You sure make me smile, too. We’re all ordinary people…….with an extraordinary God who gave us a tale worth telling.

    God has a great sense of humor, doesn’t He? At least it feels that way sometimes. The good news is that he always arms the unequipped. 😉

  3. Kim, God is using you and your testimony and positive attitude set a good example for people who think I just can’t go on. Your a Great inspiration for why we need God in or lives, and we need to trust him. Some one once ask me, how can you smile and be positive all the time. I said
    1) I have Jesus he has saved me.
    2)Jesus gave me a positive attitude that’s what keep me going.
    3)Jesus help me let go of the anger.
    If people ask if I’m perfect, I tell them no, we all have sin, an fall short the glory of God. But Jesus die on the cross to save sinners John 3: 16- 17
    Bless you Kim. Keep doing what God lays on your heart keep following his path
    AFAIC
    PS you a worthy because God said so your his child.

  4. Good stuff kim.

    Here’s a tip if u haven’t thought of it already, if you have the least bit of trepidation for public speaking.

    Just think of ministering to one person………….tailor your words to that one………..then just keep in mind there are simply a bunch of ‘ones.’

    and being that you have something to say, and your sense of humor, it should be quite easy for ya. 😉

    All the best.

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