I get asked why I stopped writing fairly frequently, and it always manages to throw me off guard a little bit. I mean, people actually noticed? I truly love that so many people have joined us in this crazy journey and I never cease to be amazed by the endless support that even people who don’t know us readily shower us with. So I’ll address this the very best I can and I hope it makes sense.
It was on purpose. I didn’t just get busy or forget about it, it’s something I enjoy doing and it’s a cool way to connect with people but I felt that God told me to wait. And so I was only posting as barebones as possible with announcements and scans and things because people are so amazingly awesome that when I would go a long spell without reporting, people worried I had died. I don’t want people to worry! But I came to a place where I knew God was trying to tell me something and I needed a period of silence to be able to hear Him properly. So I pulled back from writing and did what I felt Him telling me to do which was study scripture and focus on face-to-face ministry. Taking the time to truly connect, one on one, with the people whom I was sharing the gospel and building up in faith. And I needed to grow my own too before I felt comfortable speaking out on a public forum about anything definitively. My greatest fear has become misrepresenting God and I needed to learn so much more about Him before I could be confident that I wasn’t doing just that.
I also felt, and maybe I was projecting, that people were getting sick of me. Tired of the same old story. I know that there are some people who are less than enthusiastic about our recent endeavors, but I also think I was sick of myself. If I’m being honest, I had been putting way too much stock in what people thought of me and was fueling myself off of the positive things people said about me. It was a tough realization that I was worried more about what people thought about me than what God thought of the message I was bringing, so I needed to step back and take a breather.
I believe that respite has done me some good and I feel God has not only laid a message on my heart but also a burning passion to share it.
I have this platform in my blog that is really cool and can be effective, people have suggested I write a book, I just didn’t know what to do with this. I love writing and that seemed appealing to me simply because it’s something I enjoy, but again, we would be back to a non-connective way to reach people.
So I’m going to open myself up to doing the best of both worlds and try to share my testimony, my crazy cancer story and the message that God has placed urgently on my heart by speaking. Well, that is, if anyone wants to hear me haha. Over the years, I’ve had the opportunity to speak to many groups and in churches and it’s always so much more difficult than simply writing but much more meaningful because there’s personal connection and dialogue. And I never get tired of changing something I’m going to say last minute because the Spirit moves then hearing someone tell me that that specific thing was impactful to them. God is so amazing!! And I so much long to see revival in the American church that I’m willing to get really uncomfortable for it.
And please know, this is not self-promotion. In fact, I struggled with how to convey this so that it didn’t come across haughty or self-righteous or that I think I’m so special or talented or whatever but my husband has been telling me for a few years that I need to put myself out there for this. And I think I finally have a message worth sharing along with this crazy cancer testimony. And I’ll put it out there, I’m not an especially good speaker, I’m just passionate and want to share it.
So I’ll say this, if you or your church is looking for someone to come and speak, I am willing. Women’s groups, youth groups, cancer groups, Wednesday night, Sunday morning, secular groups, (I’ve even spoken to sports groups believe it or not. And if that’s not showing God’s sense of humor I’m not sure what is!) Anyway, my point is, whatever it is, even if it’s only 4 people, I’m in. I don’t, and will never, charge and there’s no expectation of any financial reimbursement whatsoever. I just want to see revival in the church and to see God be glorified through my willingness to live in obedience, even if it means being uncomfortable. And public speaking, for me, is very uncomfortable!
I’m not looking to be famous or well-known or anything like that, in fact that’s a super cringe-y thought, honestly. I’m not going to promote myself or anything like that. It’s just that I feel like I have this crazy story for a reason, and like the woman at the well, who was so consumed with Jesus after her encounter with Him, I just want to go and tell it! John 4:39, y’all! And I’m not like trying to do this for a job, just putting it out there that if you need someone and think I would be a good fit, I’m here. I’m in PA, by the way.
Maybe no one will take me up on this, and that’s ok. I have a few “gigs” coming up that I am really looking forward to and really enjoying prepping for. But I’m putting it out there because, well, I feel like I have to. If you want to get ahold of me, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, can comment here, or if you know me in person, facebook me or call me and I will try my best to make it happen. I’ll do my best to respond so if you try to contact me and I don’t respond, assume I didn’t get it for some reason and maybe it was the wrong email address or something.